“I’m Being So Bad Today”: How Holiday Food Talk Is More Than Annoying

Brandi Stalzer, LIMHP, LPCC, LMHC, BC-TMH
Nov 25
4 min read

The Scene We All Know

You’re at the holiday table. Someone reaches for pie and laughs, “I’m being so bad today!” Another replies, “Don’t worry, you'll make up for it at the gym tomorrow.”

Most people don’t mean harm with these comments. But these everyday moments of “food talk” can create real emotional harm—especially for anyone healing their relationship with food or body image.

I see how subtle language shapes how people feel about their bodies and worth. Holiday gatherings are meant for connection, yet conversations about calories, “good” foods, or “cheat days” often pull us into shame instead of togetherness.

Family sitting a table having a holiday meal and conversing

How Language Is Shaped By Culture

Language doesn’t develop in a vacuum. It’s a living, adaptive system shaped by the values, power structures, histories, and norms of the culture that uses it. Researchers across linguistics, cognitive science, and sociology have long shown that language both reflects a culture and reinforces it—what we say, how we say it, and what we avoid saying all emerge from shared social meaning.

Language reflects cultural values and priorities

For example, collectivist cultures often have more vocabulary for relational duties and interdependence, while individualistic cultures emphasize personal agency and autonomy. What we have words for—and what we don’t—reflects our cultural values.

Language reinforces cultural norms

Language shapes how we think about the world. Research by Boroditsky and others shows that linguistic structures influence how we conceptualize space, time, gender, and causality. Language doesn’t trap us, but it gently guides our thinking in culturally patterned ways.

Social power shapes language—and language shapes power

Language reflects social hierarchies. “Linguistic privilege” describes how certain ways of speaking are rewarded and seen as “neutral” or “professional,” often because they align with dominant cultural norms—not because they’re inherently better.

Language adapts to cultural shifts

As culture changes, language evolves with it. Shifts in identity, youth culture, and politics create new slang and redefined meanings. Words like “literally,” “queer,” and “woke” show how language records cultural movement over time.

Language shapes emotion—and emotion shapes language

Emotion concepts are learned through culture. As Barrett’s research shows, we feel what our culture teaches us to name. Language not only describes emotions—it shapes how we understand and respond to them.

The Language of Diet Culture

The language of diet culture reflects the values it prioritizes—discipline, thinness, and moral purity—by labeling foods as “good” or “bad,” bodies as “healthy-looking” or not, and eating patterns as “clean,” “guilty,” or “indulgent.” These words reinforce cultural norms about what bodies should look like and which behaviors are deemed acceptable, subtly teaching us that control is virtuous and appetite is suspect. Diet culture’s language also shapes power: certain bodies and ways of speaking about food are socially rewarded, while others - particularly those that challenge weight-centric ideals - are dismissed or pathologized. As cultural trends shift, the language of dieting adapts, replacing overt restriction with wellness-coded terms like “detox,” “reset,” or “anti-inflammatory,” allowing the same harmful ideals to circulate under softer branding. And because language influences emotion, the words we use about food and bodies can create shame, anxiety, or pride, shaping how we feel in our own skin. In this way, the language of diet culture doesn’t just describe beliefs - it actively sustains them and contributes to weight stigma.

The Psychology Behind Food Talk

From a clinical standpoint, “fat talk” and “diet talk” are forms of normative discontent - the widespread, socially accepted dissatisfaction with our bodies.

Research shows that this kind of language:

Increases body dissatisfaction, especially in women and teens.
Reinforces diet cycling and disordered eating.
Normalizes shame as a bonding behavior.

In other words, people often talk negatively about food and bodies to connect with others, but it ends up creating the opposite effect: isolation and self-criticism.

What to Say Instead

Changing the script starts with self-reflection, curiosity, and compassion. We can still connect over food without reinforcing stigma. Start by looking inward and observing your own language. What ideas, words, or phrases come up often?

Also be curious about the language of others around you, especially those that have a view of their bodies that is more connected and weight-neutral. What words or phrases do they avoid discussing or what words do they try to incorporate instead?

I'd like to be able to give you a list of words not to say and words to say instead, but that isn't practical and language is personal. Words outside the context may have different meanings. For example, take the sentence, "I ate so poorly today." One person may mean, "I was not very mindful" while another may mean, "I ate a lot of foods that culture deems as bad." What I would suggest; however, is to give people the space to offer feedback or to ask questions about their preferred language.

Setting Boundaries with Care

If diet talk arises and feels uncomfortable, you have permission to protect your peace.

Boundaries don’t have to sound harsh. They can be gentle and values-based. They can also be indirect like changing the conversation.

“I’m trying to focus less on food rules and more on enjoying time together.”
“Can we talk about something else? Food talk can be hard for me.”
“I love hearing about what everyone’s been cooking—let’s talk recipes instead of calories.”

Remember: boundaries are a form of care—for yourself and others. When you change the tone of the conversation, you model compassion.

Building New Holiday Narratives

This season, give yourself and others permission to enjoy food without commentary, to rest without guilt, and to exist without apology.

You don’t need to earn your pie, justify your hunger, or explain your body. You are not “good” or “bad” based on what’s on your plate.

Food is meant to be shared, savored, and celebrated - not moralized.

Closing Reflection

Changing cultural scripts doesn’t happen overnight, but every gentle redirection matters. Whether you’re at a large family dinner or a quiet table for two, your words have power.

At Libra Virtual Care, we believe language can either reinforce shame - or become a doorway to connection and healing. If you are interested in exploring your relationship with your body or food, we encourage you to seek support or contact us to schedule a consultation.